Shit Films Saturday

There's nothing worse than having to stay home and watch shit TV instead of going out and getting wasted. Alas, that is what I had to do with my Saturday night and television decided to pour salt in the wound. If you were on Twitter you would've seen my slow decent into madness due to all the crap that was on offer, so crap that I dubbed it Shit Films Saturday. Let's take a look at the evidence...

Catwoman - ITV2 - 6.55PM

Catwoman has become infamous because of how mind-blowingly shit it is. Halle Berry won the Razzie exactly a year after winning her Oscar and good for her, she went to collect it. Despite knowing all of this, I've never seen Catwoman and was more than willing to give my toes a workout but after about 10 minutes I lost the will to live and switched over hoping to see something better. But I got this...

The Pink Panther - Fiver - 7.15pm

Oh dear. Again, I've never seen this and wanted to give it some time just to see how crap it was. I lasted a good three minutes but when Beyonce came on screen (in her bra) I almost became a distraught wreck wondering exactly how and why Steve Martin and Jean Reno became involved in this waste of space. There can't be anything worse on TV than this, right?

The Avengers - Watch - 6.15pm

WRONG! Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes have taken enough abuse for this so I won't bother. I was enjoying it's crappyness until I saw Eddie Izzard. No Eddie. No.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - BBC3 - 9.15pm

Now this is the kind of crap film I can get behind. You know, films that are rubbish but still enjoyable rather than just painful. I like this film despite Angie's weak English accent and Daniel Craig's terrible American accent, it's fun and so easy to watch. It also helps that this was when Angelina was still pretty hot. I don't care what anyone says, AJ is not the sexx (typo but it stays) symbol she once was and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise. I'll do it, just ask my mum.

I wonder what cinematic abortion television has in store for me next week?