15/09/2010

Jason Bourne's Guide To Alternative Weaponry

Jason Bourne is a badass. Send as many assassins after him as you want but it's a certainty that he'll finish them off in record time. Well, he's the main character so if he died it wouldn't make much sense. The Bourne Trilogy is one of the best trilogies evah and what I love most is that he doesn't just resort to gunfire and car chases to win a fight. Nope, because of him you can rest easy in the knowledge that if you're attacked by some knife wielding lunatic, you can fight him off with a leaf and the wrapper from your Pret sandwich. Read and learn people.

The Bourne Identity - A pen.



This dude comes through the window with an automated weapon, several knives strapped to him and a rather fetching grey marl jumper. How doe Bourne gain the upper hand? With a pen. A fucking Bic. I'm amazed they aren't being taken from us when we board planes.

The Bourne Supremacy - A magazine.

Choosing between a knife and a magazine is a bit like choosing between an AK-47 and a toothbrush but Bourne managed to make good use out of one of those awful home decoration mags. At least I have an excuse for the hoarde in my room - it's for protection.

The Bourne Ultimatum - A book AND a towel.


Bourne Ultimatum Jason VS Desh Fight Scene.

Desh the assassin is played by Londoner Joey Ansah. He is accomplished stuntman and has high ranking in Tae Kwon Do, Ninjutsu, Capoeira and general acrobatics. He is killed with a towel. That is all.

Can you imagine what would happen if Jason Bourne was let loose in an Ikea? Oh the humanity.