13/10/2010

Nobody Likes Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

The above image is of duo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the men responsible for unleashing Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet The Spartans, Disaster Movie and the soon to be released Vampires Suck onto us all. I don't know these gentleman and personally, I'm so sick of their films that I've just stopped acknowledging their existence in the vain hope that they might disappear. However, there are some critics who take the bait and unleash some fucking amazing abuse on them that I just had to share with you instead of actually reviewing their crap.

Josh Levin - Slate Magazine

"Friedberg and Seltzer do not practice the same craft as P.T. Anderson, David Cronenberg, Michael Bay, Kevin Costner, the Zucker Brothers, the Wayans Brothers, Uwe Boll, any dad who takes shaky home movies on a camping trip, or a bear who turns on a video camera by accident while trying to eat it. They are not filmmakers. They are evildoers, charlatans, symbols of Western civilization's decline..."

Josh Rosenblatt - Austin Chronicle

"Writer/directors Friedberg and Seltzer are a scourge. They’re a plague on our cinematic landscape, a national shame, a danger to our culture, a typhoon-sized natural disaster disguised as a filmmaking team, a Hollywood monster wreaking havoc on the minds of America’s youth and setting civilization back thousands of years."

Peter Travers on Vampires Suck - Rolling Stone

 "This movie sucks more."

Robbie Collin on Vampires Suck - News of the World

"And I'm sorry to say it's Friedberg and Seltzer business as usual: laboured scene-for-scene parodies, stolen Simpsons gags, joke-free pop culture nods (IN YOUR FACES, Lady GaGa and Twitter, cos you get MENTIONED), and people getting hit in the face with gardening tools.

The film also comes up with a few crass, unfunny cracks about how the Twilight werewolves look gay, which angered and appalled me, cos it's my job to do that.

The action takes place in Sporks, Washington (as opposed to Forks, Washington) and the vampire family are called the Sullens (as opposed to the Cullens), two jokes that prove Friedberg and Seltzer really are a pair of spucking socks.

The film's an anorexic 82 minutes, including the deleted scene-free end credits. It felt so long, I think I might still be watching it."

Spill.com on Vampires Suck