05/10/2010

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Side Note: Isn't that the most hilariously awkward poster pose you've ever seen? This looks like a family photo taken the night after a dad drunkenly molested his son and they're both desperately trying to look like nothing happened.

First things first, it helps to have some sort of investment in a film when the sequel rolls around and unfortunately, I have none in this. I watched the original a few months back and thought it was pretty alright and powered to the next level thanks to Michael Douglas. It doesn't help that Oliver Stone decided to give it such a crappy subtitle. I mean come on, a sequel is the perfect moment to use a stoopid name and get away with it. What about Wall Street 2: Electric Boogaloo? Wall Street 2: This Time It's Financial? Wall Street 2: The Return of Gekko? Wall Street 2: Die Harder? SOMETHING!

What a waste. Oh shit, you want to know about the film? Go on then...

1) It's long.
2) It lacks a significant amount of bite.
3) Charlie Sheen rocks up with two chicks. I think they edited out the scene in which he snorted coke of their tits.
4) It's boring.
5) Shia's facial expression ranges from 'I'm constipated' to 'Did you finish all the cereal?' and Carey Mulligan just whines.

Pulitzer Prize winning review that.