25/11/2010

The Direct-To-DVD Sequels I Don't Want To See


Look everyone! It's another one of those ridiculously unwanted direct-to-DVD sequels that only drunk people with a thing for raiding bargain bins (i.e. me) will ever watch. I cannot tell you how much it pains me to see this piece of trash even associated with the flawless work of art known as Mean Girls. It's The Lost Boys Part Deux all over again. I mean really, who green lit this? And Tim Meadows should hang his head in shame for getting involved when Tina Fey is nowhere to be seen. If Tina isn't involved, I do not want to go to there.

Since Hollywood never listens to me or acknowledges my pain, I may as well help them in their quest to leave me teetering on the edge of Waterloo Bridge with an empty bottle of Baileys (feel free to send me some) in one hand and my 21 year old VHS copy of Grease in the other. Here are some other direct-to-DVD films they should definitely (not) do:

Clueless 2 

The Original: Absolutely flawless comedy loosely based on Emma that began my obsession with over-the-knee socks and Mary-Jane shoes.

The Sequel: Only Stacey Dash will return in this film that'll simultaneously piss on Brittany Murphy's grave and my childhood. I also figure that some "new class" will be involved, like anyone cares about their younger, rubbisher counterparts.

Heathers 2

The Original: The film Diablo Cody wishes she wrote.

The Sequel: The film Winona Ryder wishes would get made. STEP AWAY FROM THE CHEMIST WINONA!

Grease 2

The Original: The most amazing musical to ever grace the screen complete with incredible sing-a-long numbers, 30 year old teenagers and pregnancy scares. Fun for all the family.

The Sequel: Beyond rubbish (and not in a good way) film that only has the head teacher and her assistant involved. Oh shit, this one actually happened didn't it? Thought it was just a bad dream.

Note: I am fully aware that the Grease sequel was released in cinemas so don't bother tweeting/emailing me to tell me I'm an idiot. Find another reason.