20/01/2011

An Open Letter


Dear Anne Hathaway,

It has come to my attention you've been cast as Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan's follow up to The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises. That's great, congrats to you. 

While a large part of my soul is still dancing with iguanas because you beat out Keira Knightley, I am slightly apprehensive about you tackling a role that is very important to me. Of course, you'll probably be spectacular compared to Halle Berry who took a steaming dump on Catwoman's legacy with her atrocious spin off but at the same time, why bother? It is impossible for you to even come close to Michelle Pfeiffer's performance in Batman Returns. I'm not joking when I say she blew my 7 year old mind and remains a bit of a personal hero to me and several of my other lady friends.

While the fanboys try to control their erections which have been raging since this news was announced, I'm kindly asking you to not take up too much screen time so Tom Hardy can melt cinemas and the knickers of every woman in the audience with his astonishing sexiness. How Nolan will construct a storyline around all three of you (with the assumption that The Scarecrow is still floating around) is anyone's guess but I have faith in the man. What I don't have faith in is you taking on such an iconic role. I mean, wouldn't your facial features be better suited for The Joker anyway?

That was mean, but true. 

Anyway, good luck to you miss and I hope you know that should you fuck it up, the rapid Catwoman fans will be coming after you.

Sincerely,

Your Turn Heather (Selina Kyle obsessive since 1992)

xxx