This May Be The Greatest Biopic EVAH

Trawling various blogs, sites and newspapers for inspiration usually throws up nothing but rumours, over analytical nonsense and creations so amazing it makes me want to give up this blogging lark entirely. But occasionally something gets the wheels turning and news that Sir Elton John is working with Billy Elliot scribe Lee Hall on a film about his mental life has filled me with glee.

This is amazing news. No really, this has all the elements to blow our minds and melt our eyeballs. It's even more exciting to learn this won't be a 'run-of-the-mill' biopic i.e. difficult childhood, early struggle, big break, drugs, rehab, dead, but more of "a fantasy - Moulin Rouge type stuff."

MOULIN ROUGE TYPE STUFF?! Good grief, my erection just went from 'semi' to 'raging'. We've already had 'Your Song' sung from inside an elephant, near a windmill and on the Eiffel Tower but when you add Elton's glam rock looks and his penchant for flame flowing pianos and inflatable breasts, this could be spectacular.

Here are some things they must get right written in my usual point system because I can't be bothered to write a proper article.

The Casting

Unsurprisingly names aplenty are already being thrown about including Ewan McGregor, Michael C. Hall and even Jamie Bell. Elton would like Robert Downey Jr. to play him since they have history but personally, I'd like to see an unknown who can actually sing and play the piano nab the part. Elton and his ways are so famous he's almost a caricature of himself so getting someone equally famous to mimic him is stupid.  We're much more likely to believe a performance from an unknown instead of looking at the screen and thinking, "there's Johnny Depp pretending to be Elton John".

The Songs

Well this is bloody easy. There are 40 years worth of gems for the producers to choose from but it'll be fun to see what they come up with when Elton was a lowly pub singer. Two things though: include 'Pinball Wizard' and do not include the Diana version of 'Candle In The Wind'.

The Story

Lee Hall must be salivating at the thought of tackling this life story that even Elton describes as "surreal". Well, we have the pub singer days, the glam rock days, the coke days, the Watford days, the married to a woman days, the rehab days, the coming out as gay days, the Lion King days, the Eminem days, the civil partnership days, the fatherhood days and the going batshit crazy at an airport days.

The Clothes

Oh the excitement. I remember seeing Elton in concert years ago and being mighty disappointed he didn't show up dressed in platforms and sunglasses that spout fireworks. Yeah, yeah, he's in his 60s but when the golden years are re-created I want to see this:

and this:

and this:

and this:

and this:

and definitely this:

The Duet

I think we can all agree this is his greatest moment.