Late Reviews Round Up

Note: This image is the perfect depiction of Battle: LA's clichés colliding.

For some strange reason (aka deadlines and two day hangovers) I haven't dragged my sorry carcass to many screenings lately and as a result, I've had bugger all to review. Luckily I visited the cinema three times in two days so here's some lazy thoughts on a few films I wasn't really that interested in.

Battle: LA

Whenever there's an alien invasion it's always left to those heroic Yanks to save the FATE OF HUMANITY but if civilisation lies in the hands of Aaron Eckhart's gaggle of human charisma vacuums, I'd rather watch the earth implode on itself. I'm happy to let plot and character development take a backseat for the sake of tonnes of fucking explosions but this was just bland, bland, bland. The most entertaining portion of the afternoon was a man sat a few rows behind me, turning to his friends as the lights started to dim and saying, "If this is shit it's not my fault". Totes was, dude.

In Conclusion: I fell asleep.


I tried my darndest to get to a screening of Rango but since the only one I was invited to was 5 hours after the Oscars finished, I understandably missed the boat. That's alright though because it meant I got to spend my Monday afternoon eating pizza and having a look at the film most are already saying will break Pixar's reign over the academy by nabbing the best animated feature Oscar next year. So, was Rango as knicker-wettingly amazing as everyone and their gran said it would be? In a word, no. The score is brilliant, the voice actors all shine no matter how small their roles and each shot is so painstakingly beautiful it would be just as entertaining to watch it on mute. But despite an assertive opening the plot meanders, seemingly shoehorning set pieces in that would've been cut if they didn't looks so damn amazing. It's thoroughly enjoyable and cause me to LOL once or twice but while it was good, I really wanted it to be great.

In Conclusion: I was a wee bit bored.

The Adjustment Bureau


There's been a decidely mixed reaction to this thriller/romance but since I love a bit of Damon, I couldn't say no to an invite and to be honest, I kinda wish I stayed at home watching America's Next Top Model instead. Of course, Damon and Blunt are their usual wonderful and charming selves but like Rango it was so all over the bloody place that by the end all I could notice is how good Matt Damon looks in a hat. Srsly, he should wear them more often. I also found Terrence Stamp's "performance" to be a bit painful and prove once and for all that his curmudgeon act only suits when he's playing a withered old queen

In Conclusion: I fell asleep.

Why I haven't replaced Peter Bradshaw yet is a mystery.