In Pictures: Empire BIG SCREEN Launch

Since most of you will now know what Empire Magazine's BIG SCREEN (I think the title must be permanently capitalised to emphasise its awesomeness) will entail I'm not going to bore you with details of tickets, the programme and the deal with Thai Silk, and instead focus on what we were treated to at the press launch.

I got there a bit early so I wandered round the London Film Museum (not as good as it sounds) where I came across a door decorated with cartoon characters and the batsuit worn by Christian Bale.

*geekgasm* Mercifully we were carted off down the Thames where I soon caught sight of the boat we were going to ride down to The O2.

You should heard the excitable gasps from me the losers who have clearly never seen a boat before. Anyway, whatever excitement I was experiencing before boarding was multiplied when I had a glass of champagne plonked into my hand.

That is not my hand.

After a brief welcome we were told we could actually go outside and take a close look at how unbelievably filthy the Thames really is. Despite that, I may or may not have squealed "WEEEEEEEEE!" every time the boat went a bit fast.

Once The Incredible Suit stopped moaning about dirty water hitting him in the face, we were greeted by some Stormtroopers, coz, y'know, it's Empire magazine and they love Star Wars and that.

And here's a few more of The Emperor's merry men with a guy in a rather fetching shade of red. That must be a fabulous outfit for fat days and when your skin decides to erupt like Krakatoa.

Inside we got the latest issue and started scrambling for little bowls of risotto and fish cakes and some smelly cheese and tasty bread.

Then we got down to 'business' and listened to a man talk about the event in a lovely pink shirt.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, I had what may be the nicest cheesecake I've ever tasted thrust into my face. I'm not even ashamed to say that I chased a waiter round the room for more.

By this point, the copious amounts of free booze had taken it's toll so I left the building, zig zagged my way home and collapsed on my sofa. Drunk before 3pm, I've sunk to new depths I'm awesome.