18/11/2011

BlogalongaBond: Moonraker (1979)


The end credits of The Spy Who Loved Me said "James Bond will return in For Your Eyes Only" but unfortunately for us, Bond had bigger fish to fry. SPACE FISHES. In a series of many lows Moonraker aimed to go where no man had gone before but ended up scraping the bottom of the barrel. For Your Eyes Only was supposed to be the next instalment but the producers pushed Ian Flemming's 1955 novel ahead thanks to Star Wars and the general increased interest in the science-fiction genre, but I don't know where in the novel it said Bond was supposed to fanny about in Venice atop an inflatable gondola and feature in a space laser fight that's camper than Russell Grant in a polka dot cummerbund riding a mechanical bull. Since I can't bring myself to logically review this with even an ounce of respect, here come the bullet points:

The Stunt(s)   


Since the iconic Union Jack parachute rightfully made everyone squeee with delight, the producers knew that this opening sequence had to top it and while it may not have done that, it was pretty damn good. Bond is interrupted trying to get his hand up some bird's skirt on "Apollo Airways" by a some bloke and as they fight around the plane, they end up in the doorway and eventually, the sky. A team including skydiving champion B.J. Worth worked on the scene for weeks that took a total of 88 skydives (thanks Wikipedia!) to complete. Still, as impressive as it is, I can't quite stifle the giggles at one specific point...


The cable car sequence is also pretty cool.

The Theme

This theme song isn't exactly bad but much like most other things in the film, it feels rushed and lazy. Frank Sinatra and Kate Bush were both considered but Johnny Mathis was eventually offered the song even though I have no idea who he is. Before I go on and on about how they offered it to Ms Bassey after Mathis dropped out and how she doesn't even consider it her song, can we just talk about how amazing a Kate Bush/James Bond theme song would've been? I'm thinking mad eyes, a metal bikini and over-exuberant dancing. Sigh, one can dream.

The Name

DR. HOLLY GOODHEAD

Even Pussy Galore and Dr. Christmas Jones think that's a bit much.

The Line


The Switch


You may recall the introduction of a badass(?) henchman with all powerful gnashers that can apparently bite through everything. Mildly cool, right? Well, director Lewis Gilbert decided to let children decide how to portray a major character in his film and because of that, we ended up with this:


*vomits* 

If that wasn't clear enough for you, Moonraker is crap, and not even in a "so bad it's so good" kinda way.

Next Month:

For Your Eyes Only