09/12/2011

A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas


I don't know about you, but frankly, I'm sick of hearing James Cameron, Martin Scorsese, Mark Kermode and other middle aged men go on and on about 3D and what it means for the future of cinema. So thank heavens for writers Josh Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg (Jewish much?) who ignored all this yawn-inducing chatter and spent their precious time justifying the "new" technology by conjuring up a story containing various ways poke people's eyes out with a 3D penis. Take that, James "I'm definitely starting to look like an old lesbian" Cameron.

It's three years since Harold & Kumar's (Apparently pronounced ku-MAR not KOO-mar as I've been saying. Let's just go with Kevin.) last adventure and things have certainly changed; the inter-racial chums are now estranged and while Kumar Kevin is still high as a motherfucker and spending his days watching TV and living is squalor, Harold has a successful career on Wall Street and married to a frisky Latina determined to have him "fuck a baby into" her. The two are brought together by a mysterious package delivered to the wrong address and sooner than later Kevin is fucking things up - namely the real Christmas tree his father-in-law grew for eight years. Did I mention that his father-in-law is Danny Trejo? And he hates Koreans because they murdered his mother? AND HE WEARS CHRISTMAS JUMPERS?!


That's basically the plot but of course this film has nothing to do with plot and everything to do with cock jokes, painfully self-aware gags and a baby getting completely fucked on weed, coke and ecstasy. And if you - like me - finds that sort of thing hilarious, then this is the best Christmas film for years. There really is no choice between this and the other new releases (vomit vomit vomit) so please do yourself a favour and pay to see an inspired claymation hallucination scene (complete with more cocks) and NGH stealing the entire film by playing up to his real-life persona in the most hilarious way imaginable. It may not be smart, but it is quite funny.