War Horse

Allow me to cut to the chase: watching War Horse is like having Steven Spielberg come to your house in a car made of Liquorice Allsorts and dumping Homer Simpson's sugar mountain on your head as John Williams conducts an orchestra to play a number from an album entitled 'If You Don't Cry During This You're Dead Inside And Probably Rape Horses In Your Spare Time'.


But don't let that put you off; if The Secret of the Unicorn was the result of a drunken night of passion between Indiana Jones and Hergé, then War Horse carries the spirit of E.T. who's almost definitely dead by now. Personally I'm not a fan of E.T. (send your death threats to the listed email address) but once we get out of the unbelievably long story set up and Williams lets the string section have a tea break it all goes more than swimmingly. Yes, everyone seems to feel this wonderful aura from the horse who has no wings, horn or stars tattooed on his butt cheek but the scenes of war and some gorgeous shots in particular show why Señor Spielbergo (I like The Simpsons, alright?!) was so keen to make it. It's very eager to evoke some emotion from the audience but if you can get past that it's worth a watch.