BlogalongaBond Week: For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Stop me if you've heard this before, but For Your Eyes Only was intended to once again strip back the foolery and take Bond back to his Ian Fleming-ly roots, yet Roger Moore is still trudging along and everything was stripped back so far there's no fun left. The only thing worse than being ridiculous is being boring and FYEO is boooooooooooorrrrriiiiiiinnnnnng. I should've known things would be wobbly as everything OHMSS achieved was promptly shat on and dumped down a chimney or whatever the hell Bond drops Blofeld in. Not concluding the story was bad, but to finally address it in the laziest way imaginable is incredibly disappointing, but at least it marks the exact moment Dr. Evil became more menacing than Blofeld. It's terrible, and it just got worse...

What the hell is this tepid nonsense? Sheena Easton may be the first singer to make it into the opening credits but if I were her I wouldn't want anyone knowing I played a part in this. I can't believe we could've been gifted with the sight of Debbie Harry in all her back-combed, leopard-printed glory and they chose this instead. In fact, the score itself was ruined by some distractingly dance and funk moments that stick out like a sore thumb. I know it was the 80s but you don't retain the John Barry sound while trying to jazz it up like a crap DJ. Yes, I'm talking to you, Bill Conti. 

Unfortunately I really have nothing else to say about FYEO because not much else happened: some long-haired chick loses her parents, a girl gets run over, there's an annoying figure skater and loads of set pieces. Great. But really, as I watched this all I think about was how old Roger Moore looks. He looks younger now then he did in FYEO. I'm not ageist and he's clearly a very handsome man at any age, but it's embarrassing for us and him to see every scene in which he does more than sit down cut to a young stuntman with a head of jet black hair pretending to be Bond while Moore presumably sat in his trailer watching Countdown. OLD MAN IS OLD. The only thing Moore should be blamed for is taking a heap of cash for a very easy job, and let's be honest, we'd all do it. If anyone is at fault for yet another Bondian failure it's the producers, who attempted to re-boot Bond but pussied out of bringing in a new face.

Tomorrow: Octopussy