Project X

There's an unwritten rule among film writer people that if there's unlimited free booze at a screening, it means the film is most likely crap and they want to liquor you up as much as possible to make you think you're having a better time then you actually are. I hadn't heard great things about Project X before piling into the Vue Leicester Square on Tuesday night but my expectations plummeted the moment a few ladies from Warner Brothers began hurling beers, ping pong balls, t-shirts, beach balls and disposable cameras into the yelping, inebriated audience.

Sadly for WB, I'm not drinking at the moment so there was no way of getting me to see this as anything other than a blatant Superbad rip-off with no charm, no story and barely any laughs. Everyone knows party scenes can be the highlight of a teen movie and others have stretched those scenes into features with varying success, but when you have to resort to endless music montages, underwater photography and bouncing boobs in various places (bouncy castle, swimming pool, kitchen) you know there's absolutely nothing else going on apart from seeing a bunch of cunts destroy someone's house. Speaking of the totty on show, it's actually embarrassing that they expect us to believe any of the Micheal Bay-t on display are regular schoolgirls who just happen to love getting their tits out and giving head to boys they've ignored in the corridor for years.

It's basically a 90-minute un-cut music video for teenage boys who never tire of looking at nipples and are too young to spot the difference between an immature teenage boy and an insufferable dick. BAD TODD PHILLIPS! Having said that, I did laugh when the midget punched a woman in her crotch.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to order Can't Hardly Wait on DVD because I've heard that's a teen party movie done right.