24/04/2012

Marvel Avengers Assemble. I can't with that fucking title.

Since Marvel decided to make all of their movies nothing more than a prequel to this inevitable and almost destined-to-fail superhero gangbang about 4 years ago, the pressure was on to not waste everyone's time. Even the abnormally talented Joss Whedon certainly had his work cut out; Iron Man went from charmingly arrogant to an annoying douchebag at lightening speed, Hulk has never worked on screen, we know nothing about Hawkeye, Captain America is kind of dull and Black Widow is only there because she has tits. Safe to say I wasn't bouncing around at the mere thought of sitting through 144 minutes of what had the possibility looked like the biggest letdown in cinematic history. But mercifully, Whedon is a top-notch screenwriter and director as well as a lifelong Marvel fan who understands that if he ballsed this up he'd probably spend the rest of his days looking over his shoulder for some weirdo with a homemade bow and arrow contraption. Not only does the film give each character an adequate amount of screen time and an actual personality (including Agent Coulson), the lightweight plot bobs along nicely with a surprising amount of humour and wit before the relentlessly balls-out brilliant final hour. 

Of course, there are problems; Jeremy Renner is wasted and despite an admirable amount of character development you just can't gloss over the fact that Black Widow a) walks like John Wayne in her catsuit, and b) doesn't have any power whatsoever.

Sure, she can fight a bit, but so can Ricky Martin off The Apprentice and I wouldn't want to trust the future of humanity in his tubby hands. Some bits don't make sense and a few questions are left unanswered but I won't go into detail since - like all films - the less you know the better, but I do suspect that the endless geek-jizz that's been floating around Twitter recently has more to do with relief than people genuinely believing that this is the best film of all time.

Niggling issues aside, Avengers Assemble is the best kind of blockbuster that will hopefully force everyone to up their game and not fall on the old trope that popcorn movies are supposed to be dumb and harmless, because they aren't. Your move, Mr Nolan.