01/05/2012

The Stath in Safe

Despite its best efforts to be more than just another shoot 'em up, Safe takes a simple plot and unnecessarily tangles it beyond comprehension to the point where it sucks all the fun out of everything that makes every Jason Statham movie a watchable bit of harmless trash. Statham plays Luke Wright; a former NYPD cop-turned-cage-fighter-turned-homeless-bum after pissing off the Russian mafia enough to warrant them murdering his pregnant (but ugly, apparently) wife. After spotting the same bastards chasing down a little Asian girl in the subway he takes it upon himself to protect her, and unknowingly becomes entangled with the Traids, corrupt police and politicians as well as the Russians. Why didn't he take them out after they killed his wife? No idea. Why doesn't he use his past to screw over the cops who screwed him? Don't know. Why is Statham attempting to sound like an American in desperate need of some Lemsip? *shrugs*

Wright now has to keep the girl safe because she's the only person with a very important code...to a safe. My god, that's genius. The action, when it gets going, is enjoyable but wholly unoriginal and if it weren't for Statham's deadpan deliver of idiotic lines it'd be a complete bore-fest. However I did manage to keep myself busy by counting the amount of facial expressions The Stathamator has.

Angry:
Confused:
Peckish:
Hurt:
Ambivalent:
Short game.