02/07/2012

Who the hell is this supposed to be?

This autumn Disney stores will be flogging limited-edition dolls and beauty products based on six of their best villains but wait wait wait wait wait...who the fuck is that? Apparently the person above is supposed to be the great Ursula from 1989's The Little Mermaid, but unless animated characters now have the ability to get a gastric band on the NHS, a nose job and a corset from Mr. Pearl, this is not the sea witch everyone knows and loves. Before I get into it, let's just remind ourselves of the original Ursula and her magnificent jugs:
Now, I'm not even going to pretend that this unnecessary makeover isn't like a bowsprit to my abdomen because Ursula is a character I hold dear. The so-called Disney Renaissance kicked off just when I was old enough to start appreciating films and since I always bored stiff with classics like Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Cinderella, The Little Mermaid and her deliciously vampy foe were a breath of fresh air. But like Scar, Gaston, Hades and Jafar, Ursula is a far more interesting character than the obvious princess and treating her like this is just offensive. I'm not even going to moan about the message these films convey with their fat, ugly and old baddies or why they felt the need to starve the poor bitch and take about 39 years off her (because, y'know, young and beautiful people can never be evil), but I am pleased everyone who's clapped eyes on that person has reacted with the same emotion: disgust.

Disney, Disney, Disney, you of all people should know not to fuck with the classics. Let's cleanse the palette with a song, shall we?