This again?

Heathers is one of those films Hollywood just can't help but fuck around with and we are the ones who are going to suffer. Winona Ryder was banging on about a possible sequel for years, but that was prior to her mini-comeback in Black Swan so we all breathed a sigh of relief when she finally stopped pulling our dick but alas, we're not out of the woods just yet. A sequel is a dumb idea, a remake that attempts to recapture its blacker than black magic is even dumber but as no-one thought a TV show was a possibility that's exactly what they're going to do. Sigh.

The prospect of a Heathers TV show started becoming a reality over three years ago when some guy called Mark Rizzo and Sex and the City's Jenny Bicks announced to Variety that they were working on it and planned to bring back all the characters from the movie. Now Bravo are officially developing it and I'm wishing I had a mug of blue drain cleaner to hand. Just read this crap:

The updated Heathers picks up 20 years later, with Veronica (played by Winona Ryder in the 1989 feature) returning home to Sherwood with her teenage daughter, who must contend with the next generation of mean girls -- the Ashleys, who are the daughters of the surviving Heathers.

First of all, who has ever been intimidated by an Ashley? That is not the name of a bitchy leader of a high school clique. And secondly, I don't want to hear that Heather Duke became some bland suburban soccer mum when she probably married some rich dude and died on a plastic surgeon's table. That's the dream! 

How dreadful. As if coming to terms with Die Hard 5 (I can't with that title) wasn't bad enough.