So here I am, getting settled into my new job and feeling like a big proper grown-up now I'm paying into an actual pension, happily ignoring movie news because, well, it's all about this at the moment and foolishly thinking I hadn't missed anything. Unfortunately my brief disappearance from Empire's news page meant I missed the new poster for A Good Day To Die Hard and haven't been able to pour all my concerns over it until now. Don't believe Bruce's smile, people, this is terrible:
Let's forget the fact that the whole words over faces thing is so over (take note, new Carrie) and focus on the words for a moment. Is that a joke? A pun? A play on words? Not particularly considering "Russia" doesn't really sound like "fucker". But more importantly has anyone actually looked at this thing and not sighed/groaned/weeped immediately? If they're anything like me, it's highly doubtful. This is the final sign that the perfect Die Hard trilogy that managed to maintain its godlike status after the 4.0 incident has officially been dragged into the playground. What was once a throwaway line delivered with cheeky irreverence has now become a ridiculous slogan ripe for further abuse like the one above. How could they do this to me?
It was bad enough that they muffled the fuck word in the fourth instalment because hey, these are kids films now, but I can't bear to even consider the fact that he may say this alongside his dopey looking son next year. I hope Bruce Willis is getting paid enough cash to keep his model wife in designer jeans for the rest of her life for this nonsense, I really do.
And it's a shame considering the teaser trailer (minus the James Bond "gag") made it look kind of fun:
You wanna know what the worst thing about this is? Despite my furrowed brow I'm almost definitely going to be dragging my better half to the cinema to watch this on Valentine's Day. I am part of the problem.