17/05/2013

7 things I noticed while watching Fast and Furious 6

Fast Five cost $125 million to make and grossed over $600 million, and that's why we're watching Vin Diesel struggle to form sentences and Paul Walker try not to possess less charisma than a gearbox for the sixth time in 12 years. Say what you like about the films, director Justin Lin really nailed the formula with Fast Five and made up for the unbelievably dull Tokyo Drift while breathing new life into a series about cars and lady bums. Everyone involved knows they're not making fine cinema and revel in the the stupidity for our own amusement, and whether the laughs are intentional or not, watching them is a fun cinema experience. This installment sees the gang reuniting to take down a new foe because The Rock is such a rubbish service agent he has to get criminals to do what he can't.

Anyway, who cares about the plot? Here's the stuff I was talking about in the title of this here post.

1) Vin Diesel and Paul Walker got old
They probably hate that the opening credits showing the important bits from the previous 5 films also reveal how they've aged since 2001. I'm probably being mean as people age and stuff but no-one told me that your mouth gets smaller as you get older. Did anyone understand what Vin Diesel said? I needed subtitles.

2) The Rock doesn't change his top
You're rich. Go shopping.

3) The film is set in some sort of alternate universe where it's possible to have a drag race through central London.
And did they even pay their congestion charge? Famous people get away with everything.

4) This is not the most ridiculous stunt in the movie
Nope, one takes place on a 24-mile runway. That's all I'm saying.

5) I properly love Gina Carano
Yes, she may not be the best at delivering lines but criticising someone's acting in a Fast movie is like being surprised when Gwyneth Paltrow says stupid shit, so we should leave her alone for that. She's an incredible fighter who makes beating the shit out of people and diving down flights of stairs seem like a great way to spend an afternoon. I will watch her in anything.

6) Yes, Rita Ora is in it
People actually groaned. It was hilarious.

7) Flying punches and flying headbutts are better than normal punches and headbutts
Note to self: If I ever get into a fight, just stand on a nearby piece of furniture and jump off headfirst into my opponent. Even if I crack my spine it'll look cool.

The end.