Because *someone* has to keep silver eyeliner alive
It is approximately 6 months since Anne Hathaway ascended the stairs at LA's Dolby Theatre in her pink Prada dress with the unfortunately placed darts and cooed "It came true" like she was fucking Cinderella. I know, I apologise for the taste of bile currently sitting in your throat but it was needed. You see, now the last Oscar ceremony is but a faint memory we can all move on and work towards forgiving her for performing during the entire 2012/2013 award season and go back to the good old days when she was this great, likeable actress who didn't make you want to put your foot through your laptop.
Something happens to actors when critics start filling their minds with the idea that their performance is Oscar-worthy. It's like they develop a taste for the statue and start doing insane things to try and get it, the most recent example being when Melissa Leo left her shame at the door and released some 'For Your Consideration' ads in 2010. Once she shaved her head, lost weight and locked Bride Wars and Valentine's Day away, Hathaway slowly descended into one of those God-awful theatre students who prattle on and on about their ART and start acting 24 hours a day.
This came to a head in the run-up to the Oscar ceremony when people had grown tired of her obviously contrived existence and the term "Hathahaters" became part of our regular vernacular. Endless articles were written explaining why women (Note: Most people found her tiresome and annoying, it's just that women are more vocal about it) hate her. The New York Times asked what she was doing wrong, The Express pondered her dwindling humility, The NY Daily News said her win only made her worse and even James Franco, who frankly owes her a lot for saving his ass when they were co-hosts, was grilled about her unpopularity by Howard Stern, who actually explained it rather well:
"She's just so affected [and] actress-y that even when she wins an award she's out of breath, and then she has the standard joke that sounds like it's [been] written [for her]. And it all seems so scripted and acted."
Yup, that's essentially it. And anyone wondering why people love Jennifer Lawrence should remember that she is the EXACT OPPOSITE of Hathaway. Can you imagine if Hathaway tripped while heading to the microphone? She would've flipped and attempted to wipe the entire world's memory so she could have her "moment" again. And that's only a slight exaggeration.
But that's over now. She's won, she can grow her hair back and eat a burger and chill the fuck out, because despite all that's mentioned above Anne can come back. She was great in The Dark Knight Rises despite my very vocal thoughts on her casting, and is one of the most reliable actresses around with two exciting films - Interstellar and One - due out next year.
Finally we can give our eyes a rest from all the rolling and stop wasting precious food by throwing it at the telly. I'm giving her a chance to redeem herself and make all the unpleasantness from the last year a distant memory only to be relived for LOLs and Oscar highlight montages. So Anne, in the words of the great RuPaul, don't fuck it up.