2014: The Year Of The Costner

Sorry horses, China may say this is your year but a Californian human with silver tresses and knowing eyes has something to say about that. Kevin Costner may be on the verge of 60 and still unable to live down Waterworld, but after a successful run on the History Channel's Hatfields & McCoys (for which he won an Emmy, Golden Globe and SAG Award, doncha know) and a brief but important part in Man of Steel as one of Superman's Robin Hood dads, he's back.

Along with Toms Cruise and Hanks, Kevin Costner is one of those movie stars I've been aware of for as long as I can remember. And while he was never as charming or handsome as other breakout actors of the late-'80s and '90s, he was a reliable performer who could save a baby from a stairway shootout one minute and have sex with a pre-crazy Sean Young in the back of limo the next. TALENT! Then came Dances with Wolves: a western epic that annoyingly features absolutely no wolves dancing Costner spent years developing. A critical and commercial smash, he personally walked away with two Oscars for Best Film and Best Director - one of the very few actors-turned-directors to do so. Some would say that's the highlight of his career but those people are idiots and probably haven't seen Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Dear God how I love that film.

But anyway, back to his comeback. No less than five films starring K-Cost will be released this year and below is a list of those very films. Hold onto your hats.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (January 24th)
Sorry to disappoint but Costner's building boner doesn't make an appearance and no helicopters explode into Keira Knightley's chest, but that's the least of its problems. I will review this properly later this week but it's the kind of dull espionage movie you'd watch on ITV2 on a Thursday night when The Bourne Trilogy is unavailable. But still, Costner in a tweed coat and specs is already one of the most stylish cinematic moments of the year.  

3 Days to Kill (TBC)
Not much is known about this "one last job" thriller but we do know whoever designed that poster has seen Scarface. Here's the synopsis:

A dying Secret Service Agent trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter is offered an experimental drug that could save his life in exchange for one last assignment. 

Sounds formulaic enough, but did I mention it's directed by McG? The same McG who directed Charlie's Angels? I am so in.*

Draft Day (TBC)
I'm British so I have no idea what a "draft", "draft pick " or "draft day" means, and I've seen Jerry Maguire several times. I'm going to go ahead and assume that a British remake of Draft Day would be called Transfer Deadline Day, if only because it made me laugh. Anyway, it's about a Cleveland Browns manager trying to nab someone or something so I'm guessing this is as much about American Football as Moneyball is about baseball, but Jonah Hill isn't in this so that immediately makes it better than Moneyball

Black and White (TBC)
 No poster so I improvised.

A grieving widower is drawn into a custody battle over his granddaughter, whom he helped raise her entire life.

It sounds like a perfectly good drama but after some further reading I discovered he's embroiled in the custody battle with his granddaughter's African-American grandmother (Octavia Spencer) which makes the title kind of insensitive/racist. Still, OREOS!

McFarland (TBC)
I improvised again.

We all know K-Cost (yeah, I'm running with that) bloody loves a sports drama but I didn't think he loved it so much he'd do two in one year. McFarland is the true story of a Latino track team and was produced by Disney so expect some schmaltz and a racist character who learns the error of his/her ways. 

Anyone else really want some Oreos?

*Yes I know he directed Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. I'm just choosing to ignore it.