07/02/2014

RoboCop

Although remakes always leave us filled with indignation, sometimes they do work. Take 2011's Footloose for example: it successfully managed to update the painfully '80s original while maintaining the bits we all love, and RoboCop also tries to bring things bang up-to-date with this suitably moody reboot. So, instead of getting shot to shit by some rather charming thugs Alex Murphy is nearly killed by an explosion, and instead of not hearing anything about his family we get a lot of his cute son being cute and his wife looking permanently on the verge of tears, and instead of having a cool partner he has Omar from The Wire

It's 2028 and OmniCorp want to bring their successful robot soldiers to the States but shockingly people aren't too keen on having armed robots replacing armed humans on the streets. So when Murphy is left looking like the old Barbie doll I took a pair of scissors to after the aforementioned explosion, Batman OmniCorp CEO Raymond Sellers (Michael Keaton) sees an opportunity and gets Commissioner Gordon Dr. Norton (Gary Oldman) to transform him into a human in a machine the American people can trust. You'd expect the action to kick in at this point with RoboCop whizzing around Detroit on his Batbike fighting crime and being awesome but instead we get Laurence Fishburne Samuel L. Jackson with a weave going full Minority Report on our asses with constant arm-flailing, Keaton being the world's most forgettable villain and not much else. He trains a bit with Rorschach Army man Rock Mattox (Jackie Earle Haley) who informs his robosoldiers not to aim for the head or use a certain type of bullet because it could kill him. Hmm, I hope that doesn't become a problem later on. 

Trying to make an exact copy a classic would be a waste of everyone's time and money so I appreciate that they tried to do something new here, and although it isn't the steaming great turd we were all expecting it's far too bland to get anywhere near the original. After this and 2012's Total Recall I am officially worried about the impending Starship Troopers remake.