Vitalii Sediuk is our only hope for red carpet-based tomfoolery at the Oscars

He's the one on the left, btw.

Vitalii Sediuk is a Ukrainian reporter and prankster who interrupted Adele's Grammy speech, gave Madonna a bouquet of hydrangeas (which she loathed) and was slapped by Will Smith when he tried to kiss him on the mouth. Since Sacha Baron Cohen won't attending to repeat his hilarious stunt from 2012, Sediuk is the one I'm looking to to brighten up the abhorrent red carpet circus. And if he most recent stunts are anything to go by, someone is gonna get crotch-hugged on Sunday.

The SAG Awards
Look how close his head is to Bradley Cooper's crotch. This man is my hero.

Santa Barbara Film Festival
Leo looks so confused because he isn't used to looking down there and not seeing a blonde lingerie model. Understandable.

So whose crotch is next? I'm guessing Matthew McC (I can't be bothered to Google that damn surname), and knowing him he'll just lecture the poor guy about the philosophy of life and the galaxy and shit. They won't have to pull him off because as soon as he opens his mouth he'll happily let go.