23/05/2014

I went to the cinema and saw Bad Neighbours

Like any actress with a pair of nice knorks and very little talent, Zac Efron almost always ends up with his top off and being objectified by people who should know better. But unlike awkwardly dancing in the rain with Nicole Kidman, Bad Neighbours actually makes sense every time he flexes his nipples and sports a blank face because, like him, that's all Teddy Sanders has.

Sanders is the leader of one of those frat houses we can only associate with movies because they're a painfully American thing, and he quickly annoys young parents Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne) by moving his pussy posse in next door. The pair have a infant daughter and bar her massive jugs, neither are enjoying how spectacularly boring babies can be so while they're keen for the boys to "keep it down", they also want to be considered cool by students who can get boners at will and have penises so large it can be worn as a choker. Teddy, meanwhile, doesn't initially want to piss them off because that would dent his aspirations to become a frat legend but when Mac breaks his promise and calls the police during one of their raucous parties, it's on like Donkey Kong.

The gang respond by littering their lawn (almost causing the baby to choke on a condom) and randomly placing airbags stolen in and around their home and Mac's office when their not freakily watching the pair have last minute the-baby-is-asleep-so-lets-have-sex sex. Meanwhile the couple retaliate by trashing their junior adversaries' home but that success is short-lived once the boys pay for the repairs by selling sex toys to their female classmates. While the back-and-forth is funny, things get interesting when Kelly reveals hints of her pre-mothering self and identifies that the only way to destroy Delta Psi is by making them fight over a lady, so it's a good thing Teddy has a girlfriend with model looks his deputy Pete (Dave Franco) is quite eager to penetrate. The scheme is successful - and leads to some brilliant drunk kitchen floor sex - and sees the group put on probation.

This should really be the end of it, but since there's about 40 minutes to go the games continue to play out. It's painfully repetitive and unnecessary (Why would you re-start a war when you've already won?) but the gags save it. Punchlines don't aim for subtlety or sophistication and that's fine because they're genuinely and consistently funny.  And have you seen Dave Franco's De Niro impression? That shit is gold.

Bad Neighbours could've said a lot more about 30-somethings with kids yearning for their young and carefree days and 20-something kids terrified of leaving the nurturing bosom of education and ending up like the aforementioned 30-somethings but instead it chooses to have some fun and do little else. And considering Seth Rogen's loveable stoner act is the only thing to save us from Hollywood comedies starring Adam Sandler, I'm more than happy with that.